It can be uncomfortable, if not intimidating, to talk to your adult parents about their long term goals – health care, living arrangements, wills and power of attorney, among other things. You may feel it’s none of your business – or your parents may feel it’s none of your business. Either way, adult children or their aging parents may not be prepared for this sudden reversal of roles. Generally, our parents don’t want to feel like a burden, so their first instinct is to dismiss the topic of conversation, smile and say “oh, let’s discuss this later… have a piece of cake”. For some family members, the dismissal of the conversation causes even more anxiety, for other’s they’re just reaching for the fork and happy to move on from the subject.
Whether it’s denial, communication breakdown or they simply don’t see the urgency; adult children often handle sensitive matters in very different ways from one another. One sibling may see the other as overbearing while the other is regarded as uncaring or unfeeling. It’s important not to discount one another’s emotions, but talk openly for a better understanding of why everyone feels the way they do so you can all work together toward a path forward for your loved one’s inevitable care. The better prepared and unified you all are, the easier the process will be. Here are some suggestions you might find helpful to cope with planning the care of your aging loved ones and making the process easier.
Get schooled on all things senior related.
There is a lot to know when it comes to the aging process including legal and financial considerations, long-term care goals and advanced health directives. Your parents may not even have all of the information they need, or even know what options they have available to them. Do your homework before you ever sit down to talk with your parents and you’ll prove an invaluable resource for them.
Plan for the future now before it’s too late.
As difficult as it can be, it’s imperative to sit down with your parents and talk to them about their future health and long-term care plans. The hardest part is getting the conversation started. How to Say it to Seniors by David Solie, author and geriatric psychology expert, offers some genuine advice on removing the communication blocks adult children experience when trying to communicate with their aging parents. Have the conversations before you HAVE to have the conversation.
Keep Communication Lines Open.
Sometimes it’s difficult to know if your parents really need your help, particularly if you don’t live near them. Enlist family members in closer proximity and neighbors to help keep track of your loved ones and any care they may need. Consider creating a phone tree or even a social media group where you can share updates and concerns with other loved ones. The key to successful long-distance caregiving is preparation so you can make informed decisions based on need.
It’s ok to admit your emotions are getting the best of you.
If you are having trouble deciphering fact from fiction and emotion from logic when it comes to the care options of your loved ones, consider consulting a Certified Senior Advisor. It’s such an emotionally charged topic, and it can help to have someone who can be respectful and helpful, while taking away the emotional component to help you make realistic and neutral decisions.
Balance, balance, balance.
You have your own family to take care of, a job, and hectic schedule in general. Don’t let the care of your aging parents consume your own life. Ask help when you need it and take time for yourself and your own children and spouse. Often times caregivers stop caring for themselves and end up in worse shape than the person they are caring for.
Your Next Move can help you locate the perfect senior housing for your aging loved one. Our team of relocation specialists are also with you through every step of the transition process including downsizing, estate sales, moving household goods, and home sale.
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Your Next Move, Easing Your Senior Transition
Julie Kopetsky, President
www.yournextmovenc.com
919-601-8203
Julie.kopetsky@yournextmovenc.com